Dear Airplane Passenger: A Journal Entry

January 2017

Dear annoying plane passenger in front of me, we meet again. Though you may be a different body and gender than when we last had our encounter, your lack for common human decency and self- awareness did not change. Actually the space in front of my feet with a tiny metal square boarder is meant for my things and my toes, not your three carry on bags (cheater). OH cool you wrapped your jacket against your seat so that your front zipper and pockets loosely flap in front of my face leaving me little room to exist in your world.

Flying can suck. It shows your true feelings towards other people, but I find the correlation to tolerance and strangers is strongly dependent on the length of flight. A short flight from San Diego to Phoenix really just requires one hot toddy for me to feel less claustrophobic. However, a 4.5 hour trip from San Diego to Seattle would require probably I’d guess 2 quaaludes if they were still around.

I’m on my way to Leavenworth, WA to visit my best friends twin (kidding M, my other best friend). Plot twist, I’m about 102 fevering and fighting in my own cold war (see what I did there?). As a solider against my own anatomy I’m losing and pathetically hard, despite the derriere specific antibiotic shot and 7 days of penicillin.  I can’t even drink about it. So I’m on this flight, behind probably someone’s ex-wife with a Kanye complex, and I can’t even have 4 hot toddy’s to make up for her terribleness and 2017’s lack of methaqualone. Listen, I know how this sounds. Like maybe you’re reading the blog of an addict. But you’re not being slapped in the face by an Old Navy jacket zipper by Satan and the raining remnants of her cat’s fur.

My badattitude (a.k.a my bad attitude, keep up) is enough to scare off Ragnar Lothbrok and any Dothraki that dare come my way. Obviously I’ve been on a Vikings/GOT binge, get over it.

Upside, I get to spend the weekend with my favorite people, and their mom. Advice: Don’t fly when sick or in a bad mood. Or, don’t fly if you’re going to be THAT person I will write about. Pray for those around me. I’m about to sneeze this bitch up. Love you mean it bye!

Blessings,

D.

More about Danielle Angrest

I graduated from the University of Arizona in Psychology with a passion for understanding people. Trying and learning new things are an absolute must for me. I love my Australian Shepherd, Socrates and his ability to stay calm at the end of every Game of Thrones episode. I love being ironically indoorsy. Sushi, skydiving, bourbon, and brunch are always answered with a yes if you ask me. Most of all, I love humor and wit, and the -art- of growing up.

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